Finals!!!

Eeeks!!! I hate finals!!! I have a paper to finish writing...my last paper for the semester. Yay!!

Tonight....ugh is our final review for Administrative Law :( This class I have to say is probably the one I am most scared to get my grade. This semester has been tough!! My personal life went downhill and then school suffered because of it.

Next semester will hopefully be better. Sorry I just had to vent for a little bit.

Christmas is coming :D

Now I have to admit...Christmas is my most favorite holiday of the year. I love all the shopping I get to do, the decorations and the time I get to spend with my family. I have been especially missing them this year. Especially my sister. She is the best twin sister I could ask for. She is always there with a listening ear and when I am bawling she listens to me through my rants. 

This year I have decided I don't really want anything. I have everything I could ask for. I know everyone says this every year. But I evaluated what I want or need and you know....I don't want or need anything. I am not trying to be modest it is just how I feel. I actually want to go to the giving tree this year and buy Christmas for someone else. I hope there are still names left. 

I am going home again this year. I will be leaving Christmas Eve and drive eight hours to Gallup, New Mexico. Sometimes I wish I lived closer but then I thank Heavenly Father for my many blessings and blessing me with my current career. I love what I do so much. It is fulfilling and fun.

November 2, 2011

So I am sitting here entering some cards for work. And I thought you know I am going to post in my blog. I haven't written anything in it for so long. This semester has been a period of growing and change. I am in my fourth semester of graduate school. I passed all my classes thus far and need just two more semesters. I have an MRP I need to write but am being lazy about.  Oh yea I forgot to mention I got a new position and I love it. I am the Database Coordinator for Prospective Student Services at UVU. I started this position in September 2011. I love it but sometimes miss my old job. Then I remember I don't have to put up with any drama :D

October was a month I do not care to remember. It just was not a month I wish to reflect on or to ponder. I realized I am not happy and I am also not excelling in school like I used to. I need to remember why I am pursuing this degree and actually have fun with it.  Right now it feels like a chore.  I also can't stop being paranoid about certain things.

I have this best friend and he and I have always been there for eachother. I feel like I am right in standing my ground on what I believe is the right way to approach the situation we are in.  I have cried and stomped my feet and acted like a little kid. I know I should not feel this way but I do. I guess it is the stubbornness in me and I can't give up yet. I have given up so much for him. Why can't he do the same for me??

I also got a new tattoo. I have always wanted one :D It hurt and I wanted to cry but then I thought people who have tattoos do not cry when they get them. So man up and take it like the woman you are. Haha!! It was liberating to actually do something I have wanted for so long. I also didn't get scared like I thought I would.

Now to wait for what is to come. I have been dreading this holiday season because I just don't know where I will be in a month. Hopefully there isn't much more change I have to endure the rest of the year.

My roots and School!!!

I will be going home this coming Wednesday and helping some of my Uncles and Aunties clean out my Grandma and Grandpa Adakai's old houses.  Where I grew up was the best place I could ever ask for.  I didn't grow up poor or anything and I was always around my family.  My grandparents always made it better.  I have a twin sister and her and I were probably a handful for my grandparents but they loved us unconditionally.  I remember waking up and hearing my grandpa outside getting ready for the day.  He was the best grandpa I could ever ask for.  My grandma was the best too because she always loved each and every one of us the same.  So this weekend I return to my roots and also a bit of soul searching.  I know they counseled me when I was growing up to go to school and always love my family.  I hope I don't get too emotional this weekend because ever since their passing I hate going out to the old houses because it doesn't feel the same.

Hopefully I can remember who I was and also remember their teachings when I return home this weekend :D

So I started school almost two months ago and I have realized I am not a writer.  When I get down to writing what I think, I sometimes find myself saying "Why do they want to know what I have to say....My opinion does not matter...." But then I realize I do have something to say and I need to say it loud and clear.  Well how do you do that when you are so used to being the quiet one and the one who doesn't like to ask for anything.  This has been one of my challenges for the year.  I am so used to giving to everyone else and asking for nothing in return. 

presentation

I have had so much go on this week, a paper for public policy and theory and lets just say that paper is going okay.  I don't really know how to analyze bills and say what I think about them. 

On Tuesday night I presented for my Student Development  class and I was soo nervous.  You know when you feel like a fish in a fishbowl with everyone just staring at you and all you want to do is crawl under a table and close your ears and maybe they won't know you are there.  Well that is how I felt.  I even at one point thought I should tell them to all just look the other way and when I am finished presenting then they can look at me.  haha.  Well I got thru it and I am glad I did it at the beginning and didn't put it off until the middle of the semester :D

I guess when you start going to the big kid school you are expected to do alot more :D I am up for the challenge just didn't think everything would happen so fast.  Oh well I will have my degree hopefully in two or three years and it will all be worth it. 

Blogging.....

So I have tried to do this blogging thing before. I never know what to say when I blog so I deleted the account. And then one day I was sitting there thinking you know I will try this again.

I am back in school.....I started grad school!!! Yippeee!!! I have been trying to reach this goal for sometime. I didn't know if I could do it and let me just tell you.....it is sooo hard. I am capable of doing the work, I just need to get back into the study mode. So on Friday Sept 10, one of my fellow workers came in and talked to me for awhile.....I told him I was drowning and didn't know if I could do this anymore. He just chuckled a little and told me I needed to lay out a plan and decide when the best time of the day is to study. If I am studying after work that may not work out because I am drained from the day at work and he said I may have to sacrifice and study early in the morning. I thought about this for a second....I go to bed pretty early and don't really do anything entertaining in the morning but sleep. So I should follow his advice and get up in the morning and study. Since he gave me this advice on a Friday I decided to start on Monday. He also said I needed to make time for myself. This is the problem with me....I always have to be doing something and I can't just sit around. He said if I kept trying to do things for others and not myself I would go insane by the end of the semester. I tried it on Saturday, I got up and studied and then got ready and went to the library until 5 that day. When I got home from the library I went to the gym and worked out. I accomplished all I needed to do that day. Amazingly I did what I needed to do and accomplished all my tasks. Thanks to Barney giving me some sound advice :D